Voldemort’s Lament (to the tune of American Pie | Don McLean)
Lyricist: Unknown
A long, long time ago,
I found James and Lily Potter
And their new born babe.
And after I’d had time to boast,
The elder Potters both were toast
And then I thought I’d take some time to gloat.
But then I turned my wand on Harry
And probably looked really scary
Said my incantation, and met with devastation.
Then Hagrid took the boy away
To his Aunt and Uncle’s house to stay
And me, well I just slinked away,
The day that Harry lived.
So why, why won’t this Potter shmuck die?
How’s a four-eyed little nitwit
Make this Evil Lord cry?
I swear sometimes I wonder why I still try,
But someday that little freak’s gonna fry!
Someday that little freak’s gonna fry!
(faster tempo)
So first off I found this guy,
In Transylvania, on the sly,
Bent him to my evil will.
Then we went back to Hogwarts school,
Where my man Quirrel played the fool,
And Dumbledore, he didn’t have a clue!
Oh, but when the Sorc’rer’s Stone was found,
That Harry brat came pokin’ round
He kicked old Quirrel’s ass,
How long will that Lily’s spell last?!
I was a formless blob of floating muck,
Not much more than fumes from a pickup truck,
And I knew I was out of luck,
The day that Harry lived.I started singin’
